I feel horrible

I figure if I was gonna boast that I was quitting, that I better post when I failed. After buying a pack of smokes this morning, it took me almost an hour before I actually smoked. First the store didn't have matches, and I really didn't want to purchase a lighter. I also have no intention of picking up this bad habit again either. I just felt so compelled to smoke that I just had to do it. Sorta get it out of my system type thing. Anyone that knows me knows, that if I want something bad enough, I will do anything to get what it is that I want. I had to track someone down that had a lighter, when I returned the lighter, I said, don't let me borrow it again. The bad part now is, I got 19 more cigs that I just paid $3 for. At becomeanex.org it says, do not bum a smoke, make yourself go buy them. I guess thats so it makes it harder for you. I don't believe that, because like I said, now I have 19 more.

Every morning I read a daily devotional HERE and even though I have had this urge to smoke for a while now, and after reading the devotional this morning, I knew what I needed to do, if you read the devotional TODAY you will know what I mean, the link changes everyday so I will post what I am referring too, (what i needed to do).

"Battling alone, we are powerless. The enemy is much too strong. His temptations are overpowering. The living Christ offers to do for us what we could never do for ourselves. He offers us His power, His strength. As we open our hearts to Him He will deliver us from the chains of sin that bind us. In Christ, through Christ, by Christ, with Christ, we are truly set free. He is our almighty Deliverer."

Somehow after reading this I failed to ask Christ for help. Once again, I wanted to sufice this urge and therefore refused to ask for help. I now will ask Christ to help me though this as I can not do this on my own. I only wish I would have asked for help earlier this morning.

For the record, I immediately felt light headed and my hands went numb. Why people smoke beats me.

I ask for all that follow my blog to pray for me as I continue my struggle.